Past the Reflection

Goodbye.

For good, this time.

No more late night calls, texts, letters, messages.

I won’t be there when you fall

I won’t back you up when you’re at the end.

Goodbye.

Forever…maybe.

My life a mess of tangled roots

    Burrowing deep into my soul

Using all of my energy

To further entangle me in their snare

    Deeper

       Deeper

Until my past is all that’s left

    Of me

        Once a tree

Now only a mess of tangled roots

All I am is my past

The buds of my future cut

to fuel the power of my past.

The roots that once gave me life

      Now hold me back from living.

Every day, I spin this tale

Twisting it round and round

So tight my face turns pale

Deceit pulls me to the ground

I can’t be honest

My lies have me bound too tight.

“Liar, Liar.”
The silent walls scream at me. 

Chisels chipping, whips lashing

My body sags

Strength flees my brokenness

I stagger forward, always forward.

Black clouds haunt my path

Hurling rain like insults down, always down.

Power seeps from my bruises

My lies have bound my lips

My words only escaping through the poetry in my heart

But even the poetry is broken, always broken.

It whispers onto the page,

Blotted and ragged,

My life nothing more than spilled ink.

What if I was all you thought of,

Instead of a check off your to do list?

What if you too were in love 

What if I were actually missed.

I’ve loved you now for far too long

I guess our connection wasn’t real.

Now I should probably move on

Maybe with time my bruised heart will heal.

Why is it that I still love you?

Cause I love you now, even more than ever.

Even after all you put me through

I thought you and I were forever.

That’s what happens when you start to dream.

All of those fairy tales give false hope

Because no man will ever meet my scheme

I guess it’s time to let go of the rope

And let all my dreams for us crash to the ground…ground.

Because dreams only lead to let down. 

I’m a fighter

Not a survivor

Every day I face with courage

Knowing it will try to discourage

Every day I battle these words

As I try to make myself heard

I face the world each new day

Battling the multitudes in my way

I’ll never back down

I won’t give in

I’ll never stop

Until I win

Because I’m a fighter

Not a survivor.

You say you want to be the best,

Then why do you always give in?

When the waves are crashing against your chest

Why is it you never win?

I saw your dream; it was in your grasp

When your arm pulled back in fear

You had your chance to step beyond your past

But your dream was so far, yet so near.

Why can’t you see yourself like I do,

Instead of looking at only your faults

I know you have more than this inside you

Why can’t you step out and stand tall? 

It’s been a while since we’ve talked, but luckily my poetry passion has not abated in this hiatus. Does it ever feel like the light is swallowed by darkness? Or is it just that we’ve walked away from the light?

Thoughts…

My eyes, the windows to my soul

Or so I’ve always been told.

If this is true, can you see the tears behind my smile?

The deep-seated pain, betrayal and denial?

Would anyone dare to peek through the window.

And find the girl, so weak and little?

But no, I hide  behind my mask of strength.

Praying that someday someone can see past the pain.

I pull the blinds over the windows tight

I look so peaceful, no one can see inside, my fight. 

So here I sit broken, behind the window

Someday, sunshine will peak through

But  for now, the window is vacant

Almost as empty as my soul.